The midlife crisis. An often dreaded period of time that conjures up images of a silver-haired divorced 50-something woman riding off into the sunset with a dashing young lad. Pfft! Ya right, Carla!
As soon as we got reports of an obviously fake Facebook account of a young man by the name of Alex Pisnanski harassing people, liking & commenting on all of Carla’s photos, and shit-posting inspirational material in a similar manner as Carla herself. We here at CarlaQuevedo.com, being the super sleuths we are, immediately launched a Scooby-Doo style investigation.
Prepare yourself, this is fucking bizarre.
First, lets take a look at Alex’s profile. Strange, his profile picture looks strikingly similar to a gentleman on the cover of a Caryn Moya novel. Surely Carla isn’t a bat-shit crazy lunatic. There’s no way she created this facebook account with the sole purpose of terrorizing people and writing herself love letters in the form of comments. ***SPOILER ALERT*** she did.
Let’s take a look at some post of Alex Pisnanski’s:
Now let’s take a look at some post from Carla Quevedo:
Alex seems to be a big fan of Carla’s. I’m sure the similarities in writing styles, inspirational quotes from the same Pintrest board, and complaints about random women’s infidelity are merely all coincidences. Afterall stalking yourself from a fake profile would be absolutely fucking crazy, even for Carla Quevedo.
Our investigation started in Tura, Russia. A small settlement in the frigid Siberian wastelands, that Alex has listed as his city of origin on Facebook. According to Wikipedia the town only has roughly 5,000 people. So we decided to take to VK.com(Facebook of Russia) and ask people in Tura if they’ve ever seen or heard of Alex. A non-Slavic English speaker in a town where absolutely nobody speaks English(save profanity) has to stick out.
We spoke with several other similarly polite residents of Tura. They old told us everyone knew each other there, nobody had ever seen him, stop sending the whole town messages, and to fuck off. We were beginning to think Alex Pisnanski was a fake account and that he’s not really from Russia. So we then decided to hire an attractive Russian interpreter from an outsourcing website to message Alex and attempt to communicate with him in Russian.
No go. The message was read, but not replied to. Maybe he’s busy? Maybe he doesn’t speak Russian? Maybe he’s not real? Maybe it’s just crazy Carla Quevedo fucking around on the internet as usual? To say that Alex Pisnanski is really Carla Quevedo is a bold accusation, that has to be backed with undisputable evidence. Evidence, we simply didn’t have.
After countless hours and tens of dollars spent. Our investigation seemed to have hit a dead end. We knew it was Carla, but without proof, it’s all just hearsay. So we thought to ourselves… What would Scooby-Doo do? He and the gang would retrace the perps footsteps all the way back to the beginning. All while snacking on some delicious Scooby Snacks.
We decided to take a second closer look at Carla’s Facebook profile. There had to be something concrete linking her to Alex Pisnanski. Luckily, Carla’s been sending us daily hate mail from an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org which is different from the e-mail she uses for her primary Facebook “Carla Quevedo”. So we simply typed the e-mail into the Facebook search box and this happened:
Well, there you have it. Investigative journalism at it’s finest! Scooby Doo would be proud. Carla would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for us meddling kids.